What do you do when you get inspired by something GOD has put in your heart but things seem to be working slow? Or when "you" decide to take the step of faith to "see" if this is the direction GOD wants to bring you in? Well I've been in that situation last year.
FINDING OUT WHAT GOD WANTS FROM ME
At the beginning of 2014 I moved back to my mother's place (temporary) because I couldn't find a job and I was living on welfare. It was a new year so I was ready to work out the inspirational ideas GOD (from my vision bords back in 2009 & 2012) has given me. BUT I forgot one important thing. That I needed more time to heal from things that have happened in my past. I got saved and gave my heart to jesus in January 2013 but last year I've learned that every pain has its own healing proces and only GOD knows the healing time. My intentions were good but how can I help someone else if I was still broken in some areas? How can I show others my unconditional love if there were still parts in me that were still led by my flesh (emotions). I was in denial with myself.
Although I needed time to recover from my spiritual wounds, I didn't loose focus on the dream I got from GOD. There were periods where I was so on fire that I was busy until the early hours in the morning. But there were also days and nights where Netflix and Youtube took all of my spare time. And then there were also nights where I cried unto GOD and begged Him to get me out of the situation I was in ( I was longing for my own personal space again). To give you an idea of my personality type - I am an Introvert. I love people but every once in a while I NEED to be ALONE and this is nothing personal. It is just the way that I am wired to go in my quiet inner room and find my peace. When those moments came, I couldn't really retreat myself because my mother's house is very small. So the only way I could do it was when she was in another room or gone. Or another example is putting my headphone on to find some quiet time. There was also a BIGGER challenge! ME. Some moments I would be frustrated or would question and think why GOD would put me in a situation like this. So I would cry about it or keep on stalling things. And then this month HE revealed some of the answers that I couldn't understand last year. And that's been a BIG eye opener for me!
DEALING WITH THE FLESH
You see I was making plans to go back and live temporary in Suriname ( my motherland) I even signed my project up on a crowdfunding platform. I would also tell people about this because I " thought" I was stepping into Faith. And actually I was BUT now I know better and understand why GOD still kept me here. Because I was trying to run away from my healing proces and wanted to start doing the BIG job ( my life purpose) for HIM but it wasn' t the right time yet. I definately believe and know that I have a connection with Suriname and that I have an assignment there as well, but how can someone who still needs healing do a good job over there? I wasn't seeing clearly yet in some areas and I was a little bit disapointed at myself. I was blaming myself for not taking more responsibility. Yes I could have spend my time better and keeping a positive balance between feeding my spiritual being and being besties with my flesh ( if you can't beat them join them right?). But I can't let my flesh be in control because I wasn't sent to earth for distractions ( things I shouldn't give my time and attention to) I am on a mission for GOD and His spirit (The Holy Spirit) needs to be in control. But to make my flesh come in agreement with GOD's Plan, it needs to know who is in control and that person is Jesus Christ. I am saved because of His blood. Before I was saved I was living in a hell! - I would hide my true feelings behind masks. I would always please others to keep them satisfied. (putting my own needs aside/ my time/ in relationships). I was BROKEN but HE healed me with HIS Blood and his Grace. So I made a promise to myself that I will treat myself with kindness no matter what. If I didn't finish a deadline then I would do it tomorrow. Every day I am still learning to talk positive to myself and give myself (flesh) a pat on the back (literally). Because it will never be satisfied and everyday I am learning to see my Inner Self ( the way GOD sees me) in a new way.
HOW DOES THE DEVIL OPERATE
I understand that WE have all been through something or going through it right now. But last year I've learned not to dwell on your feelings. Find out where it's coming from and DO SOMETHING about it. Your life is too precious to "waste" on your Feelings or Mood swings. I've been there and December last year I've decided not to dwell in that place anymore ( it's a everyday challenge but worth the fight!) Because that's where the devil wants us to be and stay so that we forget our Godly Mission. Today I was watching a teaching from Bishop T.D Jakes and my spiritual eyes opened because now I understand what GOD was trying to reveal to me last year. And the following just proves again how real and connected HE is with us. Last night I was reading Genesis chapter 3 and this morning when I was busy with my work-out session I put this sermon on and the bishop was teaching on this exact same bible chapter. These are the links of the Sermons - T.D Jakes Sermon #1 & T.D Jakes Sermon #2. I pray that it may bless you and give you revelation to know how to handle your current situation best.
STAYING CLOSE TO GOD
I have experienced that the more time you spend with GOD, the more HE can DO for and through you. Like I've experienced Him in 2013, I am building up that intimate relationship between us closer and to a next level. Last year I was lacking in some areas, even in my Q-Time with HIM but HE is Gentle and is always waiting for me to come back. Even when I cried those nights HE still was there for me and deep down inside I knew it because I wouldn't be renewed in my mind and spirit if HE wasn't looking after me and taking care of me.
Whatever's holding you to go back to HIM, please put it aside and run to HIM. Don't be or feel ashamed to ask HIM for help. Because HE is waiting on you to come back. It's never too late! So go and spend that Q-time with our Lord Jesus Christ so that HE can help and heal you from whatever you are going through right now and can't do in your own strength. I BELIEVE IN YOU!
* Picture was made by my lovely friend - check her instagram out - Gully68
Be good & stay positive
- Lin -